It seems like everywhere I look, I am surrounded by babies. Friends, family, strangers on the street, all toting around chubby little bundles of joy – cute as can be, all on their best behavior. It’s like watching a never-ending Huggies commercial.
For the longest time, I thought I would never have kids. I was never one to babysit and never really gravitated towards babies. From the time someone warned me of the ‘soft spot’ on their heads, not to mention the importance of supporting their wobbly neck, I was more scared than enamored. Actually, terrified might be a better word. And then, of course, there’s the whole labour thing… FRIGHTENING! I don’t know, where everyone else had the ‘mother’ gene, I felt a bit lacking.
Saying that, however, I do feel like maybe it’s less of a lack and more of a delay. Slowly but surely, I feel an interest is growing. I do recognize fully, however, that anytime I picture anything baby-related… it’s ALWAYS completely unrealistic.
My baby is adorable (obviously) to the point of ridiculousness. It is dressed in the cutest of mini clothes, sporting a little hat (a must!), and is sleeping peacefully in a little carrier. Then, as my imaginary baby grows into a toddler, never does it EVER have a messy face. It never poops. Never screams. And it definitely never wakes in the middle of the night. I am a serenely well-rested mother, ever patient and kind, never resentful. And then, as my toddler grows into a child, it is cutely curious, but never annoying, always tidy, never smelly, and very, very obedient.
So ya… a tad unrealistic, right? But that’s okay, because I have time, right? Or do I…
As you may well know, I’ve recently decided to go back to school. I’m hoping to go into Nursing – a minimum 4-year program – and have to complete some high school credits before I can realistically apply. So really, at this point, it is more of a 5-year plan. Possibly even 6 or 7…
And so, to spell it out for you, in the back of my mind I do question whether or not I am choosing between baby and career. These eggs ain’t gettin’ any fresher, that much I do know. But on the other hand, is it fair to have a baby when I feel unfulfilled professionally?
I also know the answer to that question.
And so the pressures mount. Grandparents-to-be that want to be now… great-grandparents-to-be that want to be now… having less and less in common with friends who already have kids. It’s all there. Tangible and heavy… whether it should be or not.
BUT at the end of the day, I know what I want. And whether or not it is an efficient plan (It’s not. Efficient would have been going into Nursing right out of high school.) my priority has go to be me. I owe it to myself, to my sweetie, and most importantly to my future tiny humans, to be 110% ready when I take on one of the BIGGEST responsibility in the history of living.
ps. I’m not even going to touch the subject of adoption – too big, too vast and I’ve already typed too much. BUT I just want to say that I wish people would stop considering it a lesser option to conception. Sure there are things that will be missing, shared genetics, inherited personality & physical traits, etc. but what about ALL the positives??? Don’t they count??