I haven’t been here lately. Trust me when I say that it’s not you, it’s me.
We are moving and while I am happy for new beginnings, I am also sad to be leaving familiar faces and the security of what I know. I’m struggling to find a balance between being actively in the present while at the same time planning for the future. House hunting has been stressful, although extremely exciting. And saying goodbye is always scary for me… the military brat in me is screaming.
Take all of that and factor in a bit of identity crisis and you’re pretty much where I am right now.
In some ways, my life has never felt so certain. I have found the most wonderful person to share my life with. My relationships with my family have found their way to the top of the list. And all around me I feel a giant hug of love and support. Personally, I am fully satisfied and have a very clear picture of who I am and what I believe in. Professionally is another story.
I find myself wishing for simpler times, when gender roles were well-defined and the freedom of being able to choose from a million careers didn’t feel so vast. Maybe I was born in the wrong decade – all I want to do is cook, clean, garden and sew. Is that so bad? CRIMES AGAINST FEMINISM!?!
In a lot of ways, it feels like I’m throwing away all that was fought for me.
And while I know that I’m neither of those things, I don’t feel quite right about all of it either…
So right now, instead of trying to figure all of that out I am trying to focus on the things that I know for sure. I know that I am moving and I know that I will soon have to say goodbye.
That’s enough for now… the rest will all sort itself out in time.